The Power of Forgiveness

I thank God for where I am today. I am strong, vibrant, and healthy. I am beautiful, successful, well-travelled, and educated. I’ve seen and done more than I ever imagined. Am I perfect? Absolutely not. A perfect Nikki DuBose does not exist, but I exist every day in God’s grace because of His forgiveness for me. I know that the amazing path that has unfolded before me has happened because of forgiveness. Forgiveness is powerful. It is life changing. Forgiveness is a choice. Our lives are dependent upon the choices we make.

I think back to the child I was at four, at eight, and at thirteen. I didn’t know what forgiveness was, but I knew what pain was. I knew what abandonment felt like, what isolation and loneliness felt like. I knew that I was being abused, but I also knew that I shared happy times with my family. I was confused, and rightfully so.

As I grew up, I acted out because I was hurting. I was hurting from the invisible scars on my soul. I felt like I could never reclaim my childhood, or the years lost to trauma. These cycles seemed to repeat themselves at different times in my life, whether personally or professionally.

In my late twenties, God spoke to me about forgiveness. This happened as I was going through therapy for my past eating disorders and co-occurring conditions like depression and anxiety. He told me that I had to forgive my caregivers and people from my past who had hurt me if I wanted to be set free from the endless blame, shame, and dysfunctional cycles I was putting myself through. It is now twelve years later, and I have experienced a tremendous shift in my life for the better because I chose to forgive and let go of a lot of the negative energy, pain, and baggage from the past. Yes, some of what we go through in life is clinically oriented, but there are spiritual roots to suffering as well. I believe that with all my heart because I have personally experienced this. But more about that in another post.

The concept of forgiveness is easily misunderstood. The Bible talks about forgiveness in a way that when we make that choice, we are letting go of resentment and any hurt. We choose mercy over revenge. We choose to love someone who is unlovable to us. When we forgive we are mirroring God’s forgiveness of humanity through Jesus Christ.

Many may see forgiveness as letting someone “off the hook” or excusing the pain they caused. The reality, however, is less about the other person and more about the freedom it brings to our own hearts. Forgiveness also doesn’t mean that we continue to allow people to hurt us. That’s why we have boundaries and discernment. Forgiveness is not weakness—it is a powerful gift we give to ourselves and to others. Forgiveness has the power to heal, to restore, to strengthen, and to open the doors of freedom and divine love.

Forgiveness Heals the Heart

The more we choose to hold on to anger or resentment, the greater our burdens become. The tighter we clasp it, the more it weighs us down spiritually. Unforgiveness can breed bitterness, anxiety, and even physical stress. When we choose to forgive, we release ourselves from that weight. Forgiveness is a healing balm, mending wounds that time alone cannot fully restore. I didn’t know it at the time, but twenty-year-old Nikki was holding onto a lot of resentment and anger from her past. This burden was weighing me down mentally, physically, and spiritually. I was out all the time, drinking, smoking, and doing drugs, looking for the next “high” to forget the pain of my past. The problem is, you can’t unsee or forget trauma. You have to face it head on and accept what has happened. No amount of numbing with substances or relationships will ever take away the pain of abuse or mistreatment. Only God can do that, and He allows us to heal through forgiveness. Yes, there was a clinical foundation to my behavior, but beneath that was spiritual corruption. I had to heal my inner child and forgive the people from my past who had hurt me to restore my soul. That’s when the party lifestyle became a turn off for me. Slowly, but surely, these behaviors were not fulfilling.

Forgiveness Restores Relationships

All relationships require forgiveness to thrive. As we go through life, we will come to understand that people will fail us, just as we will fail others. Extending forgiveness creates space for reconciliation and growth. This doesn’t necessarily mean that the relationship will look the same, but forgiveness opens the door for understanding and compassion to take root. After I published my memoir, I received messages from people asking if I was able to mend the relationships with my caretakers and others from my past. My answer has always been yes and no. I did my part by forgiving, and I let God do the work needed after that. I set the intention of kindness and compassion, but with boundaries. I listened for God’s direction, and if I felt that it was healthy for me to engage in a relationship moving forward, then I did that. Sometimes the healthiest thing is to set boundaries around past relationships. This is where prayer and intuition come in.

Forgiveness Reflects Strength

Forgiveness takes courage. Anyone can cling to anger, but forgiveness requires humility and a willingness to rise above hurt. In doing the arduous work necessary to cultivate a spirit of forgiveness when it is challenging, we strengthen our spirit. We are not the weaker person for forgiving, we are stronger. Choosing to forgive shows that we value peace over pride and healing over hostility.

Forgiveness Is a Gift of Freedom

The foundation of forgiveness is freedom. This freedom is a gift that releases us from our pain, and it frees others from being defined solely by their mistakes. It allows us to step forward with hope instead of being chained to the past. When I made the decision to forgive the people who had hurt me, I felt lighter. There was an instant relief in my spirit and I knew that I had made the right decision. Now, this is something that I have had to repeat many times. People hurt us, we have the choice to forgive. Every time I do this, I feel free in my spirit, like a chain has been broken off me. It also changes my perspective and humbles me. I remember that I am not perfect, and neither are they.

Forgiveness Mirrors Divine Love

Have you ever felt an urge in your spirit to forgive? Whether or not you are called to one type of faith, the act of forgiveness is held under a spiritual calling. Yes, we have the ability to choose whether or not we will forgive, but God has called us to forgive. Ephesians 4:32 tells us to “Be kind and compassionate to another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” We forgive because we ourselves have been forgiven. Extending grace to others is a way of mirroring the boundless mercy we have received. In this sense, forgiveness is not only a gift for us but a reflection of God’s love in action.

Forgiveness is not easy, but it is always worth it. It is a powerful act, one that heals, restores, strengthens, and liberates. It is the gift that keeps on giving—one that continues to transform both the giver and the receiver. When we forgive, we don’t just change a moment; we change a future.